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“God forbid!”, Feyisola (A Lawyer) had her answer fiercely ready even before I could land. I had asked her if she would date or marry a co-worker, and just like many others who see it as a recipe for breakfast, she would never venture into such an affair. Like this BBC report admits, office romance can be inevitable, however the complications are obvious. You cannot fault Feyisola’s point of view
“We’re all so closely knit in my office and I know for sure their nose will be in my dating business. If we break up? I won’t hear the last of it. Besides, the thought of having my partner working in the same space with me doesn’t sound exciting; so when he messes up and his superiors are roasting him, what do I do? It might be considered if we work for the same organization but with different branches. But getting married is a no-no; what happens if the company goes under or salary is delayed? We can’t be broke together o”
Feyisola’s sentiments are shared by many others within Nigeria’s corporate space, but not all. As always, there are two sides to the conversation, and it’s the same on this subject. While some companies spell out clearly their prohibitions for romantic affairs between employees, some rely on an inherent moral compass to guide employees’ decisions in such matters. But, in general, romantic relationships among employees are ethically questionable, and the reasons are not far-fetched.
I asked a couple of workers to share their thoughts and experiences, and the responses highlight the downsides of this.
“I like to love and loved loudly” – Sayo*
For Sayo*, the secrecy that comes with such relationships put her off. Well, didn’t they say such affairs make the most exciting experiences? I guess not all the time. She admits to having dated a colleague once but will not do it again.
“We only broke up because one of us left the country and it became long distance. It was fun while it lasted though, and I loved the thrill that came with the hide and seek we were doing as colleagues. But I like to love and be loved loudly so I’m not signing up for this again”
While avoiding clandestine relationships is what keeps Sayo* off workplace affairs, several others avoid it because of impending heartbreaks and what could come after.
Like Onome*, who had witnessed such an event and would not want it for herself.
“I needed to stop smelling what I cannot eat” – Onome*
“I once knew two colleagues who were both friends and dating each other. We all worked together, but since it’s not my direct tea, I’m just going to say it ended in premium deluxe penthouse style breakfast”
Later, Onome* would work with a client company and be charmed by its CEO.
“I was their point of contact in my company and had a huge crush on their CEO. He is half French, half Russian. I think he lowkey liked me sef; we will spend meetings, making each other and the way he pronounces my name ehn (inserts “another-sister-down” emoji).
Last Last, I served myself breakfast and sat down to eat it because I needed to stop smelling what I cannot eat. And also because there was a more important client that I got transferred to”
Then, there is Peter, a digital artist who cringes at the thought of it. “It’s awkward, and the embarrassment will not be from here. Plus, if you guys break up, how do you think that would be at the office”. And there is AK, who simply responded, “Breakfast! Never again! Don’t hookup where you vlookup”
Interestingly, the other side of the narrative seems to be a jolly ride. For these ones, dating a co-worker has worked out for them and there’s a blossoming relationship or marriage to show for it. Even if it was a risky venture or one that led to compromises, it was worth it.
“For me, it’s a no, but I know people for whom it worked out” – ‘Bisi
For ‘Bisi, an ex-banker turn lecturer, it’s a mix. While she never dated a co-worker or married one, she has friends who have gone from dating to marrying their colleagues.
“Well, I could have dated my co-worker but I never did. And I even think it’s a no! First, there are strict company policies that forbid it, but what if the relationship doesn’t work out eventually? It could affect you on the job, not every relationship ends up in a “happily ever after”. Plus, being married to someone outside my workplace allows me to separate my personal affairs from work. My co-workers now don’t know anything about my spouse except I tell them, and that helps me avoid any see finish that might occur”
She continues,
“I used to work at a bank and had a friend who married one of our colleagues. They even worked in the same department. It started from friendship, then dating, and before we knew it, we were attending their wedding. They’ve been married for about fourteen years. The moment they got married, the man resigned and built his business while she remained at the bank.
One of my senior colleagues even got married to his student -that’s quite common with lecturers anyway. Plus, in academia, you could find books and publications written by a “Musgrave and Musgrave” for instance. They are a couple working together. People could raise their brows and feel concerned, but there’s no rule against it here. I think it’s more prohibited within the private space”
“I dated a co-worker and we lived together for months” -Efosa*
Efosa had also worked at a bank where he dated a co-worker
“Mine was beautiful while it lasted o. When I used to be a banker, I dated a coworker and we eventually lived together for months. Even after he moved out, we still had our moments at the office and it was thrilling. Eventually sha, he got married to someone else. We were still close and kinda liked each other, but I would never date a married man. Besides, his wife began to sense our closeness so I had to give him that space.
Of course, I will date a co-worker again if I like them and it’s mutual”
And for Enyioma, it’s giving goals!
“I married my boss!” – Enyioma
“He was my manager then and chased me for months with the intention of marriage from the get-go. I had a serious relationship then and I was so pissed that oga was not taking the hint. But I realized that my boyfriend then was not showing signs of settling down and here was a man who was more than willing to. Plus he has the kindest of hearts.
Told my mum and she had even accepted the proposal before I could. Lol. My mum loved my husband way before I opened my heart to him and even now she’s passed, my husband keeps reminding me that my mum was the reason he felt deeply in love with me because she was so accepting of him even before meeting him in person.
I thank God I listened to my brain. We’re happily married with a son and another is on the way.
I must add that I don’t work in his establishment again but still a valid shareholder”
So, what do you think? Is it yay or nay? Would you date a co-worker if you found one endearing? What limits would you go to establish and enjoy work relationships?
Let me know in the comment section.
Meanwhile, you might want to read this: How to handle conflicts or bad work relationships
